so maybe no one will notice this, but I just want to write, not to anyone in particular but just kind of get some feelings out. This may be out of order as I write it but it makes sense in my head.
In a couple of days I move back into school and of course a part of me is excited and a part sad. I love hofstra and I love home. The one thing that I hate about school though is stress (any school I go to will have that). Stressed about what is to come of this year, stressed about expectations of myself/expectations people have on me, and of course stressed about class. I’m also stressed about the thoughts of where my relationships with everyone is going to go. Will all my friends still be with me by the end of the year? next year? etc.
This past summer has been the first time I have been doing what I love and getting paid to do it. Is it sometimes stressful? absouletly. It’s still a job and you are expected to do it well. The end product is really rewarding though. The problem I have is that I have such huge standards on myself and can only be the best. Everything else I get really hard on myself and beat myself up over it. It’s a gift and curse. I remember when I was making Gone to Stay and my professor sat down with me like 5 times and I re-edited like 5 times. It made me feel like shit but you know what? that film came out really damn good so it was worth it in the end.
I’m also feeling kinda down lately and it blows. What drives me crazy is film/video work is my get away and can do whatever I want but as I make more and more weird/upsetting videos I feel like i’m beginning to get judged from it. I also feel am feeling slightly uninspired and not quite sure how to get out of it. It’s a funny correlation really:
Another correlation I have examined as time has gone on:
Uneasiness in one of my relationships=stress/depression=unmotivation
Sometimes even the pills aren’t enough to keep me easy.
bleh weird mood
Can we all think about that for a minute?
Over 33,000,000 people
are standing in the streets
as they have been for days
and their act of valor is unprecedented in the history of mankind
no one is talking about it
ive never laughed so hard in my life jesus
Check the rest out here!
You should check out this whole post. It is amazing. As a Long Islander, it shocks me how different my language is from anyone in the midwest or west.